Bipolar or something like it...

A former S.L.C. Punk, baptised and converted to a N.Y.C. Punk.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Wanted...some big guy, or something


Dearest Jerkface,

I was speaking with my friend last night on the phone, and telling him how I had just finished a long, crazy day at work, and how all of this drama had been created by "some big guy, or something" who had resigned that day. Anyway, he told me that I should apply for the now vacant position. After thinking it over, I have decided that I am the perfect candidate. Tomorrow, I will go into Human Resources, and tell them why I am the person to fit the bill. Here is a small list of some of the bullet points that make me the perfect candidate for this job.
  • I am really good at accepting large sums of money
  • I can be a total ass if prompted, or even if I just feel like it
  • I don't have an aversion to expensive wool suits, and not only that, they look real good on me too
  • I need sun every day to help me feel good, so a corner office with lots of windows would suit me just fine
  • I am not afraid of heights, so I have no problem being in an office on the top floor of a high rise
  • I hate the subway, so taking a car to and from work wouldn't bother me
  • Did I mention that I wouldn't mind making ungodly amounts of money
  • Schmoozing over expensive meals and drinks is okay, I guess I really wouldn't mind, and I do it anyway, so if the company can foot the bill, even better.

I could go on and on, and seeing that my qualifications are rather extensive, I am sure that they will hire me. Get ready for the Hamptons, Jerkface, because every big guy has a house in the Hamptons, and I'm sure that i'll have to do that too.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home