Bipolar or something like it...

A former S.L.C. Punk, baptised and converted to a N.Y.C. Punk.

Friday, June 23, 2006

DOES THE DRESS CODE PERMIT SUNGLASSES?


Dear Jerkface,
You know when you're in a really uncomfortable social setting, such as a company party, so you drink to try to ease some of that awkward discomfort, and then you drink more, because you still feel strange, and then all of the sudden is 2:30 in the morning and you are dancing with some Indian guy who has greased back hair, and then you end up hanging out with the nerdy summer associate outside, smoking incessantly because you're drunk as hell, and then all the sudden you wake up and it's time to go to work, and you're still drunk, but it's not a good drunk, it's the kind that makes the room spin, and standing upright in the shower a difficult feat, and then you get to work, and you find yourself grooving to the sound of some guys shitty R&B music blasting from his earphones on the elevator, and then you're sitting at your desk and you want to end it all because you realize that you're so hungover and you still have 9 hours of work ahead of you....yep, it's pretty sweet.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

WHAT'S YOUR HANDICAP?


Dear Jerkface,
Tonight I have the honor of attending a work party for our outgoing interns. Yippy Skippy! I cannot wait. The excitement is overwhelming. I can see it right now. I will attempt to converse with multiple socially inept bankers. Conversation going something like this;

Krissi "Have any fun plans for the weekend?"

Banker "Yeah, going to go play 18 holes up at the Hampton Hills Golf & Country Club"

Krissi "Oh, sounds like fun"

Banker "Yep"

Krissi "Yeah"

Banker "......"

Krissi " So...."

Oh, geez, ! I love these things. Free drinks and douche bags galore.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Ah, summer...


Dear Jerkface,

I just love summer in the

city!

Friday, June 16, 2006

PREACHER'S DAUGHTER


Dear Jerkface,
Growing up as a preachers daughter was always an interesting thing. I knew that it had an affect on my behavior back then, but I have now come to the realization and understanding that it has, and probably will continue effect the way I function in everyday life. Back then, my natural tendency was to rebel against any form of authority, I find that although I am no longer under the rule of my father, I still thrive off the feeling I get when I am breaking rules. For instance,

- As I struggle to fall asleep at night, it helps to imagine myself under my desk, or face down on my keyboard, risking my job and livelihood to catch a few Z's. Yes, I know this is beyond effed up, but hey, what are you gonna do?

- I don't really like to smoke, but on the weekend, I do, because I know I am risking my health, and pissing my friends off who hate to smell like smoke....tee hee hee.

- Although I know it is hell on my liver, and the risk of ending up kissing some assbag dude is great, I enjoy getting drunk off my ass every now and then, simply because it is stupid and unnecessary.

- My favorite type of sex is when there is a risk involved...like staying in the same hotel room as your friends and trying to get away with some freaky freaky without them hearing. Hmmm, come to think about it, dirty sex is even better because it involves doing things that would not be thought of as proper or right by the standards of my upbringing. Come to think of it, any and all sex is great, because doing it outside the bonds of marriage... no way....not allowed people!

In summary, once a rebel always a rebel, and I'm cool.
* Pictures may be disturbing, they are a joke people.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

HAPPY FLAG DAY


Dear Jerkface,
You know what today is? Yep, that's right, it's Flag Day. Woohoo! In honor of my home state flag, I have decided to behave in a way that would make the founding fathers of Utah proud. I'll forego coffee, cigarettes, sex, alcohol, cursing, and maybe I'll even take me a couple of husbands....

...On the other hand, maybe I'll just honor the American flag, and cherish the freedom of being free to do whatever the hell I want. You know the motto, "I don't care, feels good."

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

GOLDEN


Dear Jerkface,
I think that they should make sleeping a competitive sport. If they did, I would be the Michael Jordon of it.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Make it stop


Dear Jerkface,
Here are some of my random thoughts for the day.
-I hate the rain, it blows, and I think that if it continues to rain everyday, I just might do something drastic. Yes, you know what I'm talking about... I just might have to go home and visit my parents. At least I would escape this ridiculous weather. Go Utah!
-Why is it that guys from the past insist on making a comeback every time you finally forget about them?
-I went to college in order to avoid doing shitty things, and now I do shitty things, but get paid a little more. Yeehaw.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Yes NYC, it really has come to this


Dearest Jerkface,

It has been made very apparent to me that New Yorkers love there damn dogs. The dogs are taking over the freaking city. You see them everywhere you go. Everyday I dodge the yellow streams of urine that run down the sidewalks, and try to avoid kicking the freshly coiffed yorkies that strut their slutty asses down the street, owner in tow. Daily, I see women carrying around some type of little bitch in the latest Louis Vuitton dog tote...It's a flipping geographical phenomenon. New Yorkers love their dogs....

I have come up with a theory why, and you may disagree, but I think that New Yorkers have been phasing children out of their lives, and replacing them with lame ass pooches. I mean, what better way to avoid real responsibilities? When you're too lazy to procreate, might as well get a dog. Now, I have no problem with this. In fact, I just might end up getting a dog myself, but for the love of all that is holy, please do not mistake.....The dog is not a fucking baby. It is a dog, therefore it deserves to be treated as one. Do not dress it up in pink cutesy outfits and booties, and wrap it up in baby blankets...It walks. It is not the princess Cleopatra, and does not need to be toted around in a gold leafed carrier . Put the bitch at the end of a leash and walk it for fuck sake. And once you start pushing your dog around in a baby stroller, like this women I saw on Lexington the other day, then maybe, just maybe, you should be the one down on your hands and knees eating out of a dog bowl, while your dog cleans up after your feces.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

ELEVATOR RAGE


Dear Jerkface,
I work in a gargantuan building in midtown, and unfortunately, my lovely cube is located on the 41st floor of this behemoth. Which means, I get the pleasure of riding the elevator for extended periods of time throughout the day. I have grown to not only dislike this elevator ride, but to detest it. I consider myself a fairly patient person, but lately I find myself daydreaming of taking off my high heel and beating down all of my fellow employees, who like me, take the trip on the elevator of fun everyday. Why, you may ask? Because. They are stupid, and they suck. My latest pet peeve is stopping on the second floor at the cafeteria, so the fat asses who couldn't wait to sit down for one second before getting their omelets, or bagels can pile on to the already too crowded elevator with their food in hand and not only slow my commute up to 41st floor, but actually stand there with their stupid faces crunching on granola, or sipping their fruit smoothies. For a bunch of smart people, which is an assumption I guess, they have no social concept. Who stands there shoveling food into their face in a spot no less crowded than the six train at 8:30 on a Monday morning? They do! How obnoxious can you get? Seriously, I can't take it anymore.